I’ve lost my mind and I’m pretty sure the kids took it!

This is my 6 months in Melbourne update…. At 7 months in. (It’s getting a bit like that… )


I have been trying to get back on the “blog” but I don’t seem to be able to get time. It all boils down to being knee deep in a gazillion things, tied in with being a terrible forward planner. Well, that and the fact that the more settled we get, the more ordinary the days become. Wake up, pack lunches, school drop off, clean the house, do the laundry, go for a walk, school pick up, argument, tantrum, dinner in the dog, sofa, chocolate, bed. Repeat! (No dad we haven’t bought a dog!)

7 months after leaving Sydney and I have more grey hair than ever! I have gained about 10kg in weight (damn the cheese and wine parties) and I have also completely lost the ounce of control I had over my children.  It’s been one hell of a ride!

What sort of nutter family, move to the other side of the world, settle, love their new life… then up sticks and move another 876km to a city they don’t know? Well, we did, and 7 months in, we’re just about re-settled. We have made friends, had some great nights out, we know where things are, we have a lovely family doctor, we have finally bought enough furniture to fill the house…  Must be time for another move surely?

It’s not been plain sailing. Oh no! The children have really been pushing my buttons recently! They’re making the most of Tim being away during the week, ignoring the bedtime routines, throwing tantrums in public places, and eating more junk food than ever before. They are practically wild animals… They have no idea about give and take, which just results in them taking every last bit of my being, every single minute of every single day. This ensures Tim returns to a house of hell and three demented trolls on the sofa cringing when someone even dares so much as take a breath. There’s a marriage goal right there.

I have been home alone with the kids this week, so I have packed things in after school so as when we get home, I can rush dinner and we can all just go to bed. The sooner we’re all tucked up the better!

I took the little darlings to the local library on Wednesday as Poppy loves it there and I am desperately trying to get Monty reading.  He had other ideas. The trip to the story corner with Mummy turned into me chasing him up and down the Parenting and Self- Help aisles, smacking his bottom at every available opportunity. He was frantically pulling books off the shelves and I was trying to whisper/shout (which is really difficult BTW) but just growling “get awayyyy from the books….” like a drunk wicked witch. It ended abruptly when I stubbed my toe on the Harry Potter display table.  “Mum, you just said SHHH….. ITT… That’s shit!!” “Great sounding out buddy!!” Nailed parenting in a single moment! When we finally got home there was no wine in the house!!  I proceeded to ram chocolate down my throat quicker than a chubby kid with a hot dog, to calm my nerves… You see what the kids are doing to me!?

As if butter wouldn’t melt

I then went on to have a sleepless night, worrying that it was all caught on CCTV and I would be hauled in front of the millions of “sunrise” viewers and hailed as some sort of psychotic wildebeest who has no right to be a mother. Yes, it was one of my finer moments.

So, apart from a few of those special moments, I think I am nailing ‘Motherhood in Melbourne’. Parenting far from home is not easy, in fact it’s pretty hellish at times. The most hellish being when you have had a gut full of it, and you need a break but you don’t know anyone well enough to a) see you in this state or b) hand your savage kids to.

Usually it’s the times when you’re nearly broken, you take the kids to the park for a bit of peace and quiet you see all the grandparents on duty! I sit there, almost demolished, sipping on my G&T disguised as a coffee in a keep cup, thinking about investing in some kind of teleporting device. That way I can get the old folk here at the click of a button, and then be able to send them back before they get too comfy! (Just kidding mum, really looking forward to your visit!!!)

Even though the kids are driving me round the bend, and Tim is working away every now and again, all is dandy really! We’ve been exploring Melbourne, visiting as many wonderful places as we can nail over the weekends, and planning some exciting trips in and around Australia for the not too distant future. If my nerves can cope! (Keep it here!!)

We’ve just hit day 795 of our Aussie experience, and have 669 left until our visa expires and we’re sent packing. Sounds like ages, but if the last two years are anything to go by, we need to get organised!  Even though it felt like we left the UK in a bit of a rush, these things take a lot of planning… And a lot of chatting about. My favourite bit about any move, I love a chat!! “Shall weeeeee?? Um… No! Shall weeeee? Um no maybe not!! Do weeee? Um… not sure… What about ….? Um… Yeah…. Maybe!!”

That’s sums up our conversations; in between 90 minute bulk saved episodes of Australian Masterchef. I’m not sure it’s healthy to be living precariously on the edge of the sofa, waiting for a decision to be made about our future, but there’s something to be said for the adventure. Not knowing what’s in store over the next few years is just as exciting as it is unnerving. So here’s to the next 669 days, and all we can cram into them…I think I will be spending the rest of the day Googling “life on the other side of the expat bubble”; just in case…  Life after Oz…. if indeed there is such a thing for The Wilson’s, and if the children survive the next 669 days of course!!!

Parenting is saying the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Oddly enough that’s the definition of insanity! Coincidence? I think not! – Unknown


Olivia xx

6 thoughts on “I’ve lost my mind and I’m pretty sure the kids took it!

  1. very good blog again Olivia good to hear that parenting isn’t all it is cracked up to be just remember your poor old mum and what she went through, seriously though congratulations on doing what you are doing and expanding the children’s minds. well done Poppy on enjoying books and what can be gleaned from them, I see Monty being the boy of the family and keeping family traditions going when you consider how quiet he was in the pushchair now outgoing confident and impish good on you and Tim best of luck with the next adventure.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You are doing a wonderful job. I have days like you too. I just want to shut the door and never come back! I dropped some cereal on the floor the other day, milk went everywhere and I screamed as loud as I could, everyone came running into the kitchen worried. It made me feel 50% better! I laugh about it now.
    Big hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Just been reading this whilst sipping on my cappuccino in Costa, kiddy free day today 😀 Embarrasingly I laughed out loud at one point which made half the rest of the people in here, including a barista turn round and look at me oddly 🙈 They need to be reading the same blog as me, love it 💓 Sarah xx

    Liked by 1 person

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