Hustle your horse, it’s one hell of a ride!!
From feeling like she grew up on the set of the Godfather, where the weapon of choice was guilt, to feeling like she is in a spaghetti western, where belligerence is the weapon of choice, The Good, The Bad and the Elderly is about a modern day cowboy trying to look after two old school ones.
Tanya Losanno has returned to the stage at the Melbourne Comedy Festival with her heartwarming, and witty show about the reality and the chaos that ensues when you find yourself thrust from generation X, into the sandwich generation. (The sandwich generation are those of us caring for our children whilst also caring for our elderly parents.) This is a show many will relate to, and if not yet, a show you need to see, to get a little insight into what’s ahead.
The show pays homage to Tanya’s parents, with heartwarming and funny stories, anecdotes about Aldi special buys and scammers, and a truth that gives the audience a real insight into the chaos of being everything to everyone!
There is no doubt that Tanya is a wonderful storyteller. She speaks passionately, from the heart, and the show is at times visibly poignant to her. There were moments where I had a lump in my throat, truly moved by Tanya’s words, only to be pulled back by another well timed gag. She shares her incredibly personal journey, the ups and the downs, with wit and compassion, which is why Tanya truly captivated the audience from the get go!
“I have lots of stories to tell and my family inspires a lot of my comedy.”
Tanya has a talent, not afforded to many. She manages to fill your heart with tenderness, have you gushing with love and feelings of “shit, that’s my life,” then darts a one liner at you, which forces tears of laughter down your cheeks. Book your tickets as The Good The Bad and The Elderly is not to be missed. On now until the 21st April at The Coopers MaltHouse, Shell Room.
Glittergrass incorporates storytelling, slapstick comedy, Dolly-dazzling outfits and a killer soundtrack played entirely LIVE by the wives themselves on banjo, accordion, uke, mandolin, washboard, lagerphone, musical saw, kazoos, the spoons (and anything else they can rustle up) with the support of a junk band rhythm section.
This timely and uncompromising feminist call-to-arms is created and performed by physical comedy queen Tessa Waters (Winner: Best Comedy Weekly Award, Adelaide Fringe 2017, Womanz/Over Promises/Fully Sik), musical comedy powerhouse Victoria Falconer (Winner: London Cabaret Award 2015, EastEnd Cabaret/Yeti’s Demon Dive Bar) and acclaimed comedian and storyteller Rowena Hutson (Winner: Most Outstanding Comedy Melbourne Fringe 2015, Strong Female Character) and this year will also feature Laura Frew (Double Denim / Director’s Choice Award MICF 2018) and Sharnema Nougar (Two Little Dickheads).
Date: Thur 28th March – Sun 21st April (no show Mondays)
Marina Margarita presents Odette! Baby Daddy
Tanya Losanno The Good, The Bad and the Elderly
2019 Moosehead Receipt Tanya Lossano returns to the stage with a show about the reality and the chaos that ensues when you find yourself thrust from generation X, slap bang into the sandwich generation.
Tanya Losanno is a first generation Australian to post World War 2 immigrant Italian parents and has recently moved back to where she grew up, with her family in tow and is now looking down the barrel of being a carer to her elderly parents.
From feeling like she grew up on the set of the Godfather, where the weapon of choice was guilt, to feeling like she is in a spaghetti western, where belligerence is the weapon of choice, The Good, The Bad and the Elderly is about a modern day cowboy trying to look after two old school ones.
Two Little Dickheads Present
What Would Bill Murray Do?
By David Tieck
Want to have more fun in your life? Start asking yourself- What Would Bill Murray Do?
David Tieck is a big-fat absurdist, idiotic, stupid faced, teddy bear type person. In this new hour of silliness, Tieck is officially promising to show off at least 37 totally weird, reckless and flippantly foolish ideas, as well as possibly up to as many as 1 profound ideas.
Taking a note from Bill Murray’s beautiful approach to life and comedy, this visceral show weaves together mischievous characters and sublime silliness with poems, songs and ridiculous joy. Tieck and Murray have a lot in common; they both studied at The Second City Chicago, they both have brothers, they’re both survivors of horrific cystic acne and they both love to leave audiences with a new life philosophy on how to have the most fun ever.
Dates: 27th March – 8th April (no show Wed 3rd April)
Venue: Imperial Hotel, 2-8 Bourke St
Duration: 50 mins
GARRY STARR CONQUERS TROY
Acting was invented by the ancient Greeks. Before that people were just pretending. With the release of his ground-breaking new book ‘An Actor Pretends’, disgraced actor Garry Starr enlightens us all with the ancient art of ‘not-for-realism’, thus (once again) saving the performing arts from inevitable extinction.
Following his multi-award-winning debut in 2018 (Garry Starr Performs Everything), comic wunderkind Damien Warren-Smith delivers another anarchic drama masterclass to remember.
Damien Warren-Smith grew up in the sleepy snowy mountain town of Cooma before studying at Actors Centre Australia. Upon graduating, he moved to London where he spent more than a decade working as an actor and deviser with companies such as Tall Stories, Hull Truck and Nottingham Playhouse. In 2013, he studied at Ecole Philippe Gaulier in Paris before creating internationally renowned clown collective A Plague of iDiOTS.
Date: Thu 28 March – Sun 21 April (no show Mondays)
Time: Tues-Sat 9:15pm, Sun 8:15pm
Venue: Tower Theatre, The Coopers Malthouse, 113 Sturt St
Duration: 60 mins duration – Rating: 18+
Have a wonderful time, and make sure you let us know about all the awesome shows you have seen so we don’t miss out!
I just like to smile, smiling’s my favourite – Buddy (Elf)
Hey Melbourne parents! School holidays are fast approaching and there’s so much going on, it’ll be hard for any of us to be bored! Have you visited Sovereign Hill before?
Whether you’re a seasoned visitor or a Ballarat Gold Fields virgin, you’ll want to get all over their Easter Holiday fun!
We’ve been informed that the blacksmith needs a new apprentice, there are animals to be fed and Brown’s Confectionery Manufactory have lollies that can’t make themselves! You and the children better rush up there and get to work!
This Easter holidays, between Sat 6th April and Mon 22nd April, Sovereign Hill are exploring the working life of the goldfields. Relive history and discover the lost trades with a range of exclusive workshops and free events that will transport you and the kids back to the busy goldfields of Ballarat. Genuinely a fascinating day out for all ages!
Here is a list of the fun you and the gang can get involved in:
- Pour your own Candle: Become a candlemaker at Hewett’s Candle Works and learn how to make your very own candle. Hear about the secrets of good candle making, and let Sovereign Hill’s experienced candlemakers guide you through the process. You get to take a candle home too!!
- Make your own rope: Using traditional methods, try making a rope, and then see if you can turn your rope into quoits. Will you beat Sovereign Hill’s champions at a game? We hope so!!
- Become a Blacksmith: Join Sovereign Hill’s talented Blacksmiths and try your hand at forging. You’ll all be taken through the basics of blacksmithing and learn about the history of this trade on the Ballarat goldfields. A great story to take back to school after the holidays!
- Where did photography come from? Come and see a ‘camera obscura’ and learn how the romance with the captured image began. Sovereign Hill’s photographers will give you an enlightening insight into how images were created and how cameras evolved over time. This is a mind blowing for the modern day child!
- Sweet Experience: Brown’s Confectionery Factory is hiring! You’ll have to get your uniforms on and help Sovereign Hill make some butterscotch lollies. Smell, touch, and roll your own lollies while learning about the sweet treats of the goldfields.
- Spokes and Wheels: Watch the talented wheelwrights machine and assemble the components of a wooden wheel using the latest in 1800s wheel making technology. Then try finishing your own spoke with hand held tools.
- Belt making: Back in the 1800s, everything was made by hand and even the simplest piece of clothing had a story to tell. Go back in time and join Sovereign Hill to craft your own belt using traditional methods at Sovereign Hill’s leather harness workshop.
See, we told you… there’s no way you’re going to find yourselves at a loose end this Easter! More fun to come in the next few days!! Keep it here!
The Lost Trades program will run from Saturday 6th April until Monday 22nd April, 2019.
**Many of the Lost Trade workshops need to be pre-booked, so to find out more, or to make a booking, visit www.thestoryliveson.com.au
Last day of the school holidays and we’ve had a massive treat! We were invited to check out the new Hologate virtual reality experience at Gravity Zone Seaford.
For those of you with kids who constantly beg to be taken to Gravity Zone (yes, we’ve all been through it..) please note, the begging is only going to get more persistent with the arrival of Hologate!
Just when you think Gravity Zone cant get any better, they go and install the best new VR games they could have possibly found. Now, I’m one of those people who gets dizzy just watching kids on rides, even swings make we ill, so anything VR and I shy away. Not today! I just had to get a go on this, and it was more than exhilarating.
What is Hologate?
Hologate is a VR experience like no other. It is insanely realistic. We were all hiding from enemies, shooting snowballs like there was no tomorrow and jumping up and down like crazy folk! It’s hard not to get immersed in this other dimension! Using high-end headsets and exhilarating graphics, Hologate transported all three of us to another world where every motion felt real. You can fight dragons, have a snowball fight or problem solve your escape from a sinking submarine, so there really is something for everyone. Gravity Zone provides everything you need-just bring your sense of fun and they will do the rest!
‘Hologate is active and physically engaging. Get ready to duck, reach, grab and spin as Gravity Zone delivers the latest in VR technology.’- Gravity Zone
Play in teams or challenge each other
A wonderful advantage of this experience is that you can create a team of up to four players and battle it out or work together as a group towards a common goal. It’s such a wonderful treat to team up with your kids and work together to get as many points as you can, or defeat a bad dude. The kids loved this team work just as much as I did! There aren’t many games where you can all have as much fun as each other!
How long does each game last?
Optimal play time for Hologate, like many virtual reality experiences, is 10 minutes per game. Trust me, it goes so quickly!! There is no denying that the premium content will leave you wanting more so The Wilsons absolutely suggest purchasing 3 games per visit. **Super mum!
Are there age restrictions?
Hologate is recommended for ages 5+. Some of the games are pretty full on, so Gravity Zone staff are there to guide you as to which games are appropriate for which ages. My two are easily scared so we went for the less confronting games. Shooting snow balls and chasing coins had us all enthralled, trust me!!
Hologate really has brought Gravity Zone up a notch. Not only can the kids jump their little hearts out on the trampolines and have a go at Laser Tag, there is now a whole new world for them (and you) to explore. Three cheers for Gravity Zone!!!!!!
The summer holidays may be over but why let that stop you having fun with your kids!
With anything we are invited to, I always give you my honest opinion. This is absolutely worth the money!
Well done Mama’s you’ve got through Christmas and there are only a few weeks left of the school holidays down under! The post Christmas slump makes it hard to find any motivation to get up and take the kids out. Plus… they really should still be playing with their Christmas gifts right??? Are there any children out there still enjoying their gifts?
Well, be thankful because Legoland Discovery Centre has the most exciting school holiday programme full of awesome fun for the kids and you!
This summer it’s all about Cops vs Robbers and hey, who doesn’t love a game of that!
The kids can embark on the ultimate Cops vs Robbers chase through a world of creativity, colour and adventure. Whether they’re an officer or a bandit, kids can let their imaginations run wild through LEGOLAND Discovery Centre’s 13 fun-filled zones. Heaven right there, for LEGO© fans!
All mini cops and robbers will receive a mask and be tasked to:
- Spot the stolen jewels in Miniland
- Build a police car or getaway vehicle in the Creative Workshop
- Race to see which car is fastest at the Build & Test site
- Explore the jail in the new LEGO City build area
- Watch the new Officer in Pursuit! 4D movie (showing from 15 January)
After an exhilarating chase through the indoor LEGO playground, you can grab a (much earned) coffee and the kids can tuck into delicious Cops vs Robbers Cookies and Crown Jewel Cupcakes from the café.
Hurrah, happy faces all round!! Have a great time!!
The kids also have their own Instagram now, so you can catch a child’s eye view over there too!
Running from Thursday 29th December to Friday 28th January, LEGOLAND Discovery Centre’s school holiday activities are sure to keep kids entertained this summer.
Tickets are here
Opening times are here
How to get to Legoland Discovery Centre is here
Head to www.LEGOLANDDiscoveryCentre.com.au for more info!
Since touch down in Australia, I have been incredibly aware of how desperately important it is for our whole family to protect our skin from the sun. We’re all very English in the skin department, me more than most! Keeping the kids protected is a mission (think Ethan Hunt) and it doesn’t get any easier the older they get! In fact, I think it becomes harder.
With 2 in 3 Australians being diagnosed with skin cancer by the age of 70, Australia needs a generational sun-safety shift.
Even big kids need to be sun safe!
Once your kids hit a certain age, they need to be able to take responsibility of being sun safe, however it’s not always a walk in the park! We’ve taught our two about applying sunscreen properly, why it’s important, and how often it needs re applying. We have gallons of sunscreen at the ready, enough hats to kit out a footie team, and ‘rashies’ of all sizes fill our swim cupboard. No matter how many hats we have, the kids always end up without one on their head! It’s a constant circus act of taking them off, throwing them back in the bag, hiding them, or “accidentally on purpose” forgetting them. I’ve tried everything. Like all children down under, they are used to the school’s ‘no hat, no play’ policy, but no matter how hard I try, as soon as they’re at home and the sun makes an appearance I’m wrestling with heads and hats. Too hot, too uncomfortable, uncool, itchy, scratchy… I’ve heard it all believe me!
Introducing BedHead Hats
My prayers might have been answered. We have just discovered the most beautifully made sun hats which are so soft and easy to wear, the kids actually kept them on…for hours! Yay!
“Like many parents, I know first-hand that teaching children to wear hats can be a trying time. I really wanted to make this life skill easier to learn. My research found that familiarising a baby early on with the sensation of wearing a hat is the first step in teaching responsible sun safety skills they keep for the rest of their life. I want to educate parents about this and provide them with the most comfortable and protective hats for children of all ages” Rachel Ellis founder of BedHead Hats.
Comfortable hats make a whole world of difference when it comes to keeping our kids sun-smart. Comfort and funky designs. Our kids are a little older now, and like the average 10 and 6 year old, they are all about the baseball cap, and give no thought to the lack of protection it gives. **I took photos of the sun hitting their necks whilst they had caps on, just to prove my point. #mumwin. This summer we’re ditching the caps!
Australia has one of the highest rates of skin cancer in the world. Not everyone realises that sun exposure in the first 10 years of life plays a large part in determining your lifetime potential for cancer.
- UPF50+ Excellent Protection rating
- Made with a resilient stretch cotton that grows with the child
- Anti-flop brim
- Made to suit the hot Australian climate
- Pram and baby carrier friendly
- Soft around the neck
- Providing both sun and glare protection
- Great designs even for the biggest kids
- Pony tail holes (Godsend)
- Easy and comfortable to wear
Thanks to BedHead Hats, summer is looking like it’s going to be the least stressful for all Aussie (and expat) mums and most sun protected for all kids!!
Have a beautiful summer everyone!
Bedhead Hats is an Australian, family run business who are taking the sun hat market by storm, and leading the way in sun safety for kids. We just need a couple of adult prints now! *hint!!
Bedhead Hats established the ‘Protect the Potential’ initiative in 2017 to ensure that Aussie babies get the best start they can to live a sun-safe life. This year, with the help of charities, maternity wards and post-natal services nationwide, Bedhead Hats will provide $200,000 of sun-hats to babies who need them most.
Throughout Spring and Summer 2018, a selection of charities, maternity wards and post-natal services nationwide will be provided with UPF50+ newborn Bedhead Hats to distribute to new mums and bubs to start the sun-safety journey of Aussie babies. Additionally, as part of the ‘Protect the Potential’ initiative, Bedhead Hats will be giving away five baby hats a day until the end of Summer through social media.
All Bedhead Hats have a UPF50+ Excellent Protection rating, are made with a resilient stretch cotton that grows with the child and an anti-flop brim, all made to suit the hot Australian climate. Bedhead Hats are pram and baby carrier friendly; soft around the neck, while providing sun and glare protection.
Available via www.bedheadhats.com.au
The Cotton Originals Bundle includes a plain hat and a printed hat and has an RRP of $50.00
Brand New Boxes, just in time for Santa!
Yes, you guessed it! Smash Enterprises have only gone and developed some awesome new grub gear for our little folk! Not only is it fab, it’s also here just in time to be added to Santa’s delivery!
We’ve been test driving the brand new Bento Bite which not only makes me a healthy food goddess when it comes to packed lunches (I love filling all the little compartments with goodness), it’s also, most importantly, Monty proof. If that’s not a unique selling point I don’t know what is.
When it comes to lunch luggage, Smash seriously give us the goods. Every damn time. This years special for my gang has to be the glow in the dark ‘Fashion Tritan’ drink bottle. I’ve been telling Monty, that it glows even brighter the more he drinks… Summer hydration win!!
Reasons to choose the Brand New Bento Bite:
- Removable inner tray
- 6 compartments
- Leak proof snack pot
- Sealed lid to resist spills
- Child friendly latch
- Durable outer case
- Cute designs
- Sealed lid
- Ice brick included
- Two awesome designs (llama or Dinosaur)
Healthy, rubbish free lunches are now totally achievable, even for the most exhausted mama’s. Be gone to Woolworths and gather the goods for your gang!
If you want to get your mitts on these awesome new lunch boxes, head to Woolworths from December 15th when they’ll be lining the shelves waiting for you super mums! *Only available whilst stocks last!
SMASH ENTERPRISES IS AN ICONIC AUSTRALIAN OWNED COMPANY THAT HAS RELEASED OVER 20 MILLION PRODUCTS, QUICKLY BECOMING A HOUSEHOLD NAME IN THE LIVES OF CHILDREN AND ADULTS WORLDWIDE. AS ONE OF AUSTRALIA’S LEADING AND MOST RECOGNISED BRANDS, SMASH IS KNOWN FOR ITS IMAGINATIVE AND EXTENSIVE RANGE OF INNOVATIVE PRODUCTS ACROSS A VARIETY OF CATEGORIES INCLUDING LUNCH BOXES, DRINK BOTTLES, STATIONERY, OUTSIDE DINING AND MORE! TODAY, SMASH HAS ALL THE PRODUCTS YOU WILL EVER NEED!
No matter how hard to try to ignore it, there’s no denying that Christmas is well and truly on it’s way. It’s time to stop pretending you have ages to get sorted. The kids are almost down from their much hated Halloween high, and I for one am totally ready to get the tree up and start singing “Do they know it’s Christmas” at anyone who walks past.
Let’s take a moment to think about what Christmas entails. The frantic search for this years most popular toy, the dash round the shops to get the precious ingredient that Jamie Oliver absolutely insists you have with your turkey this year, not forgetting the outdoor Christmas show in 42 degrees of heat…(down under anyway).
Buy the tree, sort the gifts, hunt wildly for the sticky tape, wrap the gifts, try and find out which bloody bulb is broken and stopping the Christmas tree lights from working.. Oh, and did you really forget to send Aunty Marg a card??????
However Christmas rolls in your house, I’m here to take a bit of the pressure off!
I have done a really clever thing, and put together a list of totally awesome books that you absolutely must buy for your kiddos this year.
Buying your child a book, not only makes you feel like an awesome parent who positively encourages reading, but it also gives your child an experience which can be shared with others, time and time again. Reading not only creates a strong bond between parent and child, it also has many benefits including building confidence, and enhancing a child’s imagination. You see why buying a book this Christmas is a great idea. It’s the gift that really does keep on giving!
Nearly nine in 10 children say they love being read aloud to a lot, with the main reason being that it is a special time with their parents. – Scholastic
The Wilson’s Top Christmas Books
Judy Moody and the right Royal Tea Party by Megan McDonald
Another day. Another mood. Meet Judy Moody at her moodiest-best, in this laugh-a-minute fourteenth adventure in the international bestselling series. If you have fans of Jacqueline Wilson then this is a great book to add to the bookshelf. It’s funny, a little bit silly, and a great easy reader (7+) for bedtime giggles.
Bab Sharkey and the Animal Mummies: The Giant Moth Mummy (Book 2) by Andrew Hansen & Jessica Roberts
Can Bab and his smelly friends defeat this ancient evil? You what?? My thought’s entirely… This doesn’t sound like the most delightful book, but let me tell you, it’s worth a read! If your little readers love comics, gross stuff, and insanely wacky characters then add this to Santa’s list. *super Santa award heading your way!
Where’s Wally? The Spectacular Spotlight Search by Martin Handford
We love ‘Where’s Wally’ in our house, I have been known to flick through these on my own! This is Wally like you’ve never seen him before! Use the paper spotlight searcher as a magic torch to illuminate the six spectacular scenes in this book, and there are bonus games on every page! That means hours of entertainment! Kids get to turn the pages and search six spectacular darkened scenes! By using the paper spotlight searcher inside as a magic torch they will reveal Wally and his friends. Each scene contains all five classic characters plus bonus hidden content. This is a great book for old and new Wally fans!
**All light-up magic is designed from paper, and extra spotlight searchers are available to print from online, no batteries necessary.
Dragon Post by Emma Yarlett
Who wouldn’t want their child to read a fiery story about friendship and asking for help? And as if that’s not enough, this is being hailed at ‘The Jolly Postman’ for a new generation! Hurrah! The JP was one of my all time favourites which I have handed down to my little ones. I’m hoping Dragon Post will join the bookshelf that my kids hand down to theirs. Love the little letters!!
One day Alex finds a dragon living under his stairs. He isn’t sure what to do – but luckily he knows just who to ask for help. Open the envelopes and read the hilarious letters Alex receives from the fire brigade, the butcher and more as he tries to take care of his new friend. Who would have thought having a dragon for a pet would be so tricky? – Walker Books
Among kids aged 6–8 whose parents have stopped reading aloud to them, half wish their parents had continued – Scholastic
Discovery Globe- Build Your Own Globe Kit – Leon Gray
For all of you parents out there with kids who love to build things, here’s a kit to make your own spinning globe! How awesome does that sound! This is the ultimate gift for families who love to travel, and who’s children have all sorts of questions about the world! This kit comes with everything you need to build your own spinning globe plus plus an illustrated explorer’s guide packed with information, providing a unique introduction to our world.
Make your own globe and discover more about the people and places on it with this stylish kit, containing all the pieces for an easy-to-make spinning model plus a highly-illustrated explorer’s guide. The sturdy card globe features icons labelling everything from natural wonders to famous faces, topics which can then be explored in more detail in the explorer’s guide. As well as referring closely to the model globe, the explorer’s guide covers a variety of themes including the Earth’s biomes, animals and World Heritage sites, providing a fascinating introduction to the world, its people and places – Walker Books
•Publisher’s note: adult assistance recommended when building globe.
Reading is so great for your kids because amongst other great benefits it:
Enhances their imagination
Improves their grammar
Improves their writing skills
Leads to academic success
Helps them build their self confidence
Expands their vocabulary
Discipline and increased concentration
Go on, buy a book this Christmas and give the gift of reading to a child you love!
Are you dreaming of a childfree vacay with your gal pals?
Are you desperate to say goodbye to the laundry and school run, and lay by a pool, sipping Manhattan’s like an extra out of Sex in the City with your long lost mates from back home? Isn’t it about time you took a break and spent some quality time with your friends, minus the hubster and the kids? A relaxing break, being all classy and beautiful? This could be the chance to really be you again, to rekindle old friendships long left behind.
Well, it turns out when the media were telling us ‘Mums’ that we all deserved.. no… needed a ‘Mumcation’ they were thinking of classy trips to the local winery, or Yummy Mummies sipping Chardonnay in hot tubs chatting about Florence’s ballet lessons. They weren’t thinking about the millions of Expat mums who would be rushing to the airport, gagging for a bag of pickled onion monster munch, clutching their passports, heading home for a week in the pub with the girls.. I’m here to fill you in on the reality of The ‘Expat Mumcation’…
The reality of an Expat ‘Mumcation’
I’m currently ‘drying out’ in Hong Kong airport after my very own Expat ‘Mumcation’, and let me tell you, it’s not pretty. I’m sweating, my stomach is churning, I’ve got the shakes and the bags under my eyes are way more impressive than even the best Louis Vuitton cases.. My fake tan has almost completely disappeared, my perfectly shaped eyebrows have started sprouting, and I have just broken a nail. My hair is greasy, my jeans are way too tight and I have a broken tooth. I feel (and look) like the guys out of ‘The Hangover’
Just over two weeks ago I gleefully waved farewell to my two little darlings in Melbourne and headed off on a ‘Mumcation’ to the UK to celebrate the wedding of a dear friend. I had just under three weeks of freedom ahead of me and was pumped, preened, waxed, and feeling tip top. Having planned this trip for months, I’d had time to give myself a good talking to about my behaviour on my upcoming trip.
“You’re an adult Olivia, there’s no need to go crazy”
“It’s important that you’re sensible Olivia, you have two small children who need you”….
Well. It turns out that when you go on a ‘Mumcation’, whether it’s in Barbados, Benidorm or Bognor, you just can’t help yourself. I joked about behaving like a 14 year old, but totally lived up to it. I was child free, I had a wad of cash in my pocket and the barman was gonna get it… “double G&T’s all round”…. oh dear god…. Even typing that is making me queasy.
I had landed at Heathrow after a 26hr trek from Melbourne, squeezed my ‘bestie’ and headed to Windsor for a “quiet night” before Saturdays Hen Do… After a very civilised dinner, lots of giggles and catching up, we decided to have a walk before bed. Turns out the local pub did 2-4-1 cocktails, so we had 18. At 3:45am we found ourselves down some back alley with a bunch of 17 year olds, smoking and begging the bouncers to let us in an already closed nightclub. It wasn’t pretty. I was free as a bird, for the first time in ages and my behaviour was, quite frankly, unacceptable.
19 days later and it turns out my liver isn’t thanking me for the 2 whole bottles of gin, 27 tonics, 4 bottles of prosecco, 6 bottles of Sav, 102 Sambucca shots, 34 tequila shots, an entire tube of Mango flavoured Berocca and one whole box of Alka Seltzer. My heart is barely pumping due to the 29 pork pies, 18,000 Cadbury chocolate buttons, 22 Menthol cigarettes (I don’t even smoke) and about 72 packets of Salt & Vinegar Squares.
I lost count of the cans of coke I guzzled (wtf) just to get over the hangovers.. My dentist is going to poke me in the eye. I ate scampi and chips about 8 times.. because my daughter misses it?? Do you see what I’m getting at? Most mums will get together with their local friends, pop to a hotel in the city, have a few too many, totter back to their room, and get up for a leisurely brekkie, before making their way home to their little darlings. When your best friends are 10,000 miles away, there is no “weekend break”; it has to be at least two weeks, involve binge drinking and excessive calorie consumption. You basically have to make up for the 3 and a half years you’ve missed out on, when it comes to food, drink and shopping. *whoops.
The truth is, we all need to see our friends, spend time with them, and make the bloody most of it while we’re there, because it doesn’t happen very often. If that means almost dying in the process, well, hey, it is what it is… You know what though.. No matter how useless my body is, lying here in my tiny bed at the airport, no matter how many wrinkles I have added to my forehead, no matter how wrecked my organs are, I would do it all over again… No matter how much my heart ached for my babies, no matter how much I missed my husband, no matter what I may have missed out on, I wouldn’t change a thing.
We laughed, really, really laughed. We laughed so hard it hurt. We sat round the table and shared meals together after years apart. We talked for hours about our children, our lives, about everything. And, we laughed a bit more. We had time to be us. We spent time doing things we wanted to do, without time restrictions, play dates or bedtime routines. I watched my friend marry her love, and we all ugly cried to Oasis’ Wonderwall at the disco…
I guess what I am trying to tell you is that when you take your ‘Expat Mumcation’, do it in style, because it’s over in the blink of an eye, and you’ll be back on the other side of the world, reading “The Tiger Who Came To Tea” thanking your lucky stars you did it…. and survived…
Did you hear a roar? A stomp? The Dinosaurs are coming!
Have you got dino obsessed little ones in your house? If so, we have just the thing for your school holiday diary!! The Wilsons are so excited to tell you that Jurassic Creatures is set to open in Melbourne this September. These amazing creatures will be taking over St Kilda and we’re pretty sure you won’t want to miss out.
Jurassic Creatures is an exhibition with over 30 + dinosaurs that will captivate young and old alike. Explore a prehistoric world full of life like moving dinosaurs and be amazed and thrilled as the greatest creatures ever to walk the earth return before your eyes and come alive.
You and the family will get chance to learn all about the dinosaurs 165 million year domination of life on earth. You will watch them move, hear them roar, and from the ripple of their skin to the glint in their eye, you will begin to think that the dinosaurs really are back!
Apart from this amazing animatronics show, you will be able to become a Paleontologist for the day. Children will be provided with their expert digger outfit, and chip away at their very own fossil. Plus there will be many more dinosaur activities to take part in including dinosaur sand painting, dinosaur 3D Jig-saw Land, fossil displays, dinosaur inflatable activity lands, dinosaur eggs to have photos in, walking dinosaurs and so much more.
School Holidays are coming and this looks like it may be one of those awesome holiday experiences for the whole family. Hey, it may even stop the tricky bath time questions like “Mum, why did the T Rex have such small arms?” …. “Ask Siri darling”
Jurassic Creatures is set to bring all the wonder and excitement of the prehistoric world of dinosaurs back. Get ready to be thrilled as you see Triassic period comes to life!
All the Information
Open from 15 September -14 October – Jurassic Creatures will deliver a realistic animatronics show like no other that will capture the imagination of children & parents everywhere.
The event includes:
- A spectacular dinosaur exhibition with realistic animatronics
- An Interactive Fossil digging area
- Dinosaur Sand painting
- 3D Jigsaw Land
- Dinosaur Inflatable Activity Lands
- Plus so many other dinosaur activities for the whole family
Melbourne get ready to feel the Dino-Roar!
JUST THE FACTS
What Jurassic Creatures
When Saturday 15 September 2018 – Sunday 14 October 2018
Where St Kilda Triangle, adjacent to Palais Theatre
General Admission $31.56. Family Ticket $99.44 (2 adults, 2 children). Under 2 year old are free – Sessions are 3 hrs each